The "Accident"

Having worked at various hotels and eateries over the course of about 7 years, I thought it was a fair assumption to say that I had seen it all. One of the aspects of hospitality is that it has taught me to never assume because, let's face it without sounding trite, it makes an ass out of you and me. That being said, I thought that my little bubble of experience was sufficiently impermeable to shock at its current stage. Luckily, I was proven wrong this past weekend.

I arrived at work this Sunday groggy, half-asleep and it was definitely still dark outside. Needless to say, I was in a semi-fog. I was greeted by my coworker on this particular balmy September morning in an odd way. The conversation went something like this:

Coworker: "Whatever you do, please promise me that you won't enter the lobby women's restroom."

Me: "Why?"

CW: "No, seriously. I know we joke around a lot at work. I am probably the worst offender to be honest. I promise you, you don't want to go in there."

Me: "Seriously? What happened?"

CW: "If you still value your soul and all that is holy and may eventually want to have children, please for the love of God do not go in there. That is all I will say."

Perplexed, I seriously flirted with the fact that I may have to actually dare to open that door. I weighed the pros and cons of the situation. Pro: I will probably have a deliciously disgusting story that I can tell for years to come and retain a certain guilty pleasure from said story. Con: entering the ladies restroom on that fateful day may actually cause blindness, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and possibly rickets. After pondering my options for seriously 5 minutes I finally decided that I'd rather not lose the future ability to bear children and went back to work.

About 2 hours of begging countless people to tell me what events had occurred the night before finally became fruitful. Apparrently, a guest came to the front desk at 3am claiming that a woman had passed out in our lobby bathroom. On the floor. One of the hazards of living in a city is that sometimes, no matter how diligent our night watchman is, a homeless person finds a way to sneak in and use our restroom. Assuming that said person sleeping on the floor was homeless, I relaxed for a moment.

But wait....what's this you say? Oh yes, I remember now. The sleeper was in fact a guest here at the hotel. She had gone out on the town, had a bit too much to drink, and didn't make it up to her room before she passed out in a drunken stupor in a public place. What makes the story so much more entertaining is what she did in the bathroom. Simply passing out is sooo blase. She needed to do something more memorable like, say, pass out in a pool of her own vomit. That was everywhere. Including all over herself. But alas, the story doesn't end there. Sadly, this poor drunken lady of obvious class and distinction let her bowels loose. ALL OVER THE RESTROOM. I'm talking the counters. The walls. The floor. Herself. Part of me really wishes that I was making this up. I really do. The fact that there are people out there that exhibit this type of behavior in public is appalling. What makes this story so much more delicious is the fact that my coworker that warned me in the beginning of this tale, in addition to the watchmen, had to CARRY HER to her room. Covered in her own filth. At 3:30 in the morning. Oh, the pleasures of working in a 24-hour business.

And some people wonder why when we drink, we drink heavily.